Finding someone who shares your dream of cruising the Danube, exploring Italy, or seeing the wildlife of Alaska can be exciting.
You start exchanging messages. You discover interests in common. You begin imagining the trip.
But before you book airline tickets or put down a deposit, give yourself time to answer a different question:
Is this someone I feel comfortable trusting as a travel companion?
Most people looking for travel buddies are exactly what they appear to be—people who love to travel and would like someone to share the experience with. But when you’re considering traveling with someone new, particularly someone you’ve met online, a little caution is simply good sense.
Here are some warning signs worth paying attention to.
1. They Want to Move Too Quickly
You’ve exchanged three messages and they’re already suggesting that you book a two-week cruise together.
Slow down.
A trustworthy prospective companion should understand that you need time to get acquainted.
Exchange messages. Talk on the telephone. Have video calls. Meet in person if geography allows.
There is no prize for finding a travel companion quickly.
Finding the right one matters much more.
2. They Avoid Video Calls or Meeting in Person
There’s nothing unusual about initially communicating through email or messages. But before making serious travel plans, you should know that the person you’ve been communicating with is actually who they say they are.
If someone repeatedly makes excuses for avoiding a video conversation, pay attention.
If you live reasonably close to one another, meet in a public place for coffee or lunch.
If you live far apart, several video conversations can help you become much better acquainted.
Someone genuinely considering traveling with you should want to get to know you too.
3. Their Stories Don’t Quite Add Up
Perhaps something they tell you today contradicts something they said last week.
Their age changes.
Their location changes.
Their travel history seems inconsistent.
One discrepancy may simply be a misunderstanding.
A pattern is different.
Trust your ability to notice when something doesn’t make sense. You don’t need to accuse anyone of dishonesty. You can simply decide not to pursue the relationship.
4. They Ask for Money
This is one of the clearest red flags.
Be extremely cautious if a prospective travel companion asks you to:
- Lend them money
- Pay their airfare
- Send money for an emergency
- Purchase something on their behalf
- Transfer money to their account
- Give them your banking or credit-card information
- Pay a large shared expense directly to them
Whenever possible, each traveler should pay airlines, hotels, cruise companies and tour operators directly.
If legitimate shared expenses are unavoidable, agree in advance exactly how they will be handled and keep clear records.
A person you recently met online should not need access to your money.
5. They Want Too Much Personal Information Too Soon
Of course travel companions eventually need to share some information. But there is a difference between information needed to plan a trip and information that has nothing to do with traveling together.
Be cautious about sharing things such as:
- Bank-account information
- Credit-card numbers
- Passwords
- Government identification numbers
- Copies of financial documents
Passport information may eventually be required by an airline, cruise line, hotel or tour company—but provide it directly to the company whenever possible rather than casually sending a copy to someone you’ve just met.
Protect your personal information just as carefully while planning a trip as you would at home.
6. They Pressure You
Perhaps they insist:
“We need to book today.”
Maybe they want you to make a decision before you’ve had time to investigate.
Or they become irritated when you say you’d like to think about something.
Pressure is a warning sign.
A good travel companion respects the fact that this is your money, your time and your decision.
You should always feel comfortable saying:
“I’d like a little time to think about that.”
7. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
You say you want separate hotel rooms.
They keep trying to convince you to share.
You say you don’t drink.
They tease you about it.
You say you aren’t comfortable driving at night.
They dismiss your concern.
Small boundary violations before a trip can become much larger problems once you’re thousands of miles from home.
A compatible companion doesn’t have to share all your preferences.
They do need to respect them.
8. They Expect You to Do Everything
You’re researching flights.
You’re finding hotels.
You’re comparing tours.
You’re making reservations.
You’re checking train schedules.
Meanwhile, your prospective companion says:
“Whatever you decide is fine with me.”
That might sound wonderfully agreeable at first.
But ask yourself whether you’re looking for a travel companion—or someone whose vacation you’re expected to manage.
Talk about responsibilities before you travel.
A good partnership doesn’t necessarily mean dividing every task equally, but both people should agree about who’s doing what.
9. They Are Unwilling to Discuss Money
Talking about money can feel uncomfortable.
Traveling without talking about it can be considerably more uncomfortable.
You should be able to discuss:
- Your approximate travel budget
- Accommodation preferences
- Restaurant expectations
- Excursions
- Transportation
- Tipping
- Shared expenses
- Cancellation costs
You don’t need to know how much money someone has.
You do need to know whether your travel budgets are compatible.
If someone refuses to have that conversation, don’t ignore it.
10. They Speak Disrespectfully About Everyone Else
Listen to how someone talks about previous travel companions, friends, hotel employees, waiters and tour guides.
Was every former travel companion “impossible”?
Was every hotel employee “incompetent”?
Was every problem someone else’s fault?
We all have travel stories involving difficult people and bad experiences.
But if someone seems to encounter unreasonable people everywhere they go, it’s worth wondering about the common denominator.
How someone treats other people is a preview of how they may eventually treat you.
11. They Expect You to Be Together Constantly
Even very compatible travel companions may want time apart.
You may want to spend the afternoon at a museum.
Your companion may want to shop.
You may want to rest.
They may want to explore.
That’s healthy.
Be cautious if someone becomes uncomfortable with the idea of doing anything independently or expects you to account for every moment of your day.
A travel companion is a companion—not a supervisor.
12. They Dismiss Safety Concerns
Perhaps you’re concerned about walking through an unfamiliar area late at night.
Their response is:
“You’re worrying too much.”
Or you want travel insurance and they tell you it’s ridiculous.
You don’t need identical attitudes toward risk, but your concerns deserve respect.
You should never be embarrassed into doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
13. They Want You to Keep Things Secret
This deserves special attention.
Be cautious if someone says things such as:
“Don’t tell your family about this yet.”
“There’s no reason anyone else needs to know.”
“Just keep this between us.”
There is rarely a legitimate reason for a prospective travel companion to discourage you from discussing your travel plans with people you trust.
Before traveling with someone new, tell family members or friends where you’re going, who you’re traveling with and how to reach you.
Perhaps the Most Important Red Flag: You Feel Uneasy
Sometimes nothing is obviously wrong.
You can’t point to a particular statement.
You don’t have proof of anything.
You simply feel uncomfortable.
Pay attention to that feeling.
You do not owe someone a trip because you’ve been corresponding for several months.
You do not owe someone an explanation because they’ve spent time planning with you.
And you don’t need to prove that someone is untrustworthy before deciding that you don’t want to travel with them.
“I don’t think we’re the right travel match” is enough.
Before Taking a Big Trip, Try Something Small
If possible, spend some time together before committing to an expensive international journey.
Meet for lunch.
Take a day trip.
Spend a weekend somewhere.
See what happens when you’re deciding where to eat, navigating an unfamiliar place, waiting for a delayed train, or simply spending several hours together.
Travel has a remarkable way of revealing compatibility.
If you can’t meet beforehand because you live far apart, take your time getting acquainted through telephone and video conversations.
Ask questions.
Listen carefully.
And don’t rush.
Green Flags Matter, Too
Looking for warning signs doesn’t mean approaching every new person with suspicion.
Quite the opposite.
You are looking for reasons to feel increasingly comfortable.
A promising travel companion:
- Communicates openly
- Respects your boundaries
- Doesn’t pressure you
- Is willing to discuss money
- Is comfortable with you verifying information
- Shares responsibility
- Can compromise
- Treats other people kindly
- Respects your independence
- Takes your concerns seriously
- Is interested in what you want from the trip
And perhaps most importantly, getting to know them feels easy rather than pressured.
Caution and Adventure Can Coexist
Being careful doesn’t mean being fearful.
Every new friendship begins with two people who don’t know each other.
The goal isn’t to eliminate every possible risk. It’s to take reasonable precautions, give trust time to develop, and make thoughtful decisions before committing your money and your vacation to someone else.
Then, when you do decide to travel together, you can concentrate on what brought you together in the first place:
Discovering somewhere wonderful.
Sharing the experience.
Laughing when something inevitably goes wrong.
And perhaps returning home with something you hadn’t expected when you began—
a new friend.
A Senior Travel Buddies Thought
Take your time choosing a travel companion.
Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Respect your instincts.
The right travel buddy won’t make you feel pressured to trust them.
They’ll give you reasons to trust them.